The Discovery & How the Nightmare Begins

Friday September 10, 2010 around 11:30 pm.. I was sitting on my sofa, made new for me 5 years ago, when I noticed something the size of a lady bug crawl across one of the throw pillows that came with the sofa. I’m a girl. I didn’t scream, but I tossed the pillow to the floor and watched the bug fall off. As I went to smash it, I noted its appearance.

Google is your friend. Or maybe, Google is the tool that allows you to find in seconds the bug that you are about to start obsessing over.

I Googled “Bug”, and lo and behold, the first few images that appeared looked just like my little creepy crawlie.

What. The. F*ck?

A bed bug? 

My invader was an adult bed bug. Their full life cycle is depicted below. For a close-up, take a look at my blog's header.

I was still naive at that point. I mean, I’ve heard the “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite” nursery rhyme, of course, but they were eradicated in the 60s, weren’t they?  I knew nothing about them. Ok, so, A bed bug. One. And now it’s dead, problem solved.

10 minutes later my cat, sitting on the sofa next to me, started making the funny noises he makes when stalking a spider or fly. And lunging at my crotch. I looked down and there was another bed bug crawling across my pajama bottoms.

I might have screamed at that point. I definitely killed it. I IMed a friend and said “I think I have bed bugs?!?!? HOW THE F*CK DID I GET BED BUGS???” She and I IMed for a while about it, both of us Googling and sending each other links, getting more and more horrified about the discovery the amount of work it is going to take to get rid of the bugs.

Given I was searching for pictures of the bugs,  it didn't take long before I found pictures of people suffering from bed bug bites. Clearly, the rash I mentioned in The Admissionwas not a rash at all, but bed bug bites.  I was waking up every few days looking much like this guy: 

But it was late, I was a little drunk, and too tired to deal with undertaking the search and destroy mission just then. I headed to bed. I didn’t sleep well, ultimately, and I haven’t since.